S2 | E10 Olivia de Sousa — Stop Being "Normal" in Midlife

What happens when midlife starts feeling less like a crisis… and more like a quiet nudge to come home to yourself?

Olivia de Sousa shares an honest conversation about change, intuition, creativity, and the courage it takes to stop living by other people’s expectations.

Olivia shares the moment she decided to close her podcast management business without a safety net, choosing to trust her inner voice over the pressure to keep pushing. She also opens up about embracing her “weirdness,” letting go of the need to fit into a box, and finding new creative expression through writing, music, and her mantra toolkit, The Ultimate Book of Word Spells.

This conversation is a reminder that midlife doesn’t have to be about fading quietly into the background. Sometimes, it’s where you finally give yourself permission to be seen, heard, and fully yourself.

Get to know more about Olivia: www.livvimedia.com.au/wordspells/

If you have loved today’s episode, please share this with a friend. ❤️

About Lara Portelli:

As a successful business owner, NLP Practitioner, Midlife Reset Mentor, acclaimed award-winning author, and seasoned professional, Lara understands the challenges of navigating careers, business, and personal growth. She now channels her expertise into mentoring women through midlife and into their bodacious second act, helping ambitious women step into their power and build success on their own terms.

Connect with Lara: https://www.laraportelli.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Midlife I'm Clive and New. I'm your host, Laura Portelli. This is the study where we stick away like Big S. Move the gloves off and get real about what it means to thrive in our second act. Each week I'm joined by a guest who's walking their own a dacious midlife path. We're talking menopause, divorce, reinvention, and everything in between. Buckle up, because this isn't your mother's midlife crisis. This is midlife unplugged. Hello and welcome back, everybody, to another episode of Midlife Unplugged the Fucker Is. I'm your host, Lara Portelli, and today we have a guest, a fellow Aussie guest. I'm really excited. I love guests from all around the world, but I get really excited when uh we have guests from Australia. A fellow, fellow Aussie. I'd like you to welcome help me in welcoming Olivia D'Souza today from our homeland, Australia. And uh Olivia is going to share some of her journey in midlife and some of her experiences so far. So welcome Olivia. Welcome to Midlife Unplugged.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Hello, everyone, and hello Lara. So pleased to be here. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Thank you. Thank you for being here. So, Olivia, um, let's start with the first question. Let us know a little about a little bit about your fuck at moment. Because as you know, on this show, everything's unplugged, it's raw, it's real, uh, it's a safe space. Uh, everything's open here and we can talk and it's safe. So let us know a little bit about your fuck-up moment in life.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

There's probably been probably every day.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

But I think the one that I've uh discussed with you that like it was one of the turning points that set me on a different path than I am now on this year was when I realized it was the time to fuck it and finally um close my podcasting business last year. And um, and that moment was I'm laughing because I'm wondering if the the particular clients ever gonna hear me tell this story. If if if she's listening, please don't worry about it. It was just I it needed to happen. But um yeah, there'd been a number of things where I'd with the podcasting management. Shout out to your team. I really appreciate what you do because I know what it is. There's a lot of moving parts involved in it, and there's a lot of production schedules and um knowing when you need to receive something by to schedule it out. And me with my ADHD and like it's just not I loved the podcasting from supporting people like you. Like people I was surrounded by people who have big messages and and have a podcast because it's they have a something to share and they're wanting to change the world, and and that's what I like to be a part of. But I found that the production schedules and the managing the moving parts wasn't kind of how I'm what I'm made for. That's not my thing, my role in life. And I'd always thought I would sensibly transition to maybe coaching people how to do it and um having different kinds of products and transitioning away and not having to do that part so much, and then one day, like there'd been a few things where I'd had to um sort of emergencies and and deal with getting things out on time, and but there was one where um something had come a little bit late and we'd had to catch up and we got it all done and everything was edited and ready to go, and the only piece that I didn't do was actually schedule it, and I left that part for my assistant and I sort of delegated that, and then I closed the tab in my mind to like up and like that's dealt with, I've passed that on, I don't need to do that, and so I just relaxed and felt that's all handled, and then um at like I went and went to bed and 1am in the morning. I wake up and I love meditations. I actually create meditations, I love meditations, and so sometimes in the middle of the night I'll put one on. So I went to do that and uh I look at my phone and I see there's a message there that had been sent like 10 pm or something like that, and it's so sorry to bother you, but um it's this podcast isn't scheduled, and it's I knew it was supposed to be published at 5 a.m. that morning, and so I dragged my butt out of bed. Uh did it myself. Of course, it didn't go smoothly. Um the platform was Buzzprout, and with Buzzsprout, there's this wonderful feature of dynamic ads, which is a great feature. You can update your ads and across all your episodes, it's really good. But um the notes for that got so big that the show notes wouldn't fit anymore, and so I had to figure out how to get it down to the word limit, and like just of course there's complications. So, like an hour later, it's all done, and I'm wide awake, not falling asleep. And I just sat there and I just went, This is it. Like, this is never gonna change. Like, I I thought that I was going to sensibly transition and do different products for it, and I went, I'm not, this is not me, this is not my thing that I want to. I love the message, I love the storytelling part, but this scheduling of times and and having it chase me 24 hours a day, seven days a week, um, I went, it's now, it's now. I I I'm not gonna close it gradually or change the it's now. It has to happen now. Oh my god, it has to happen now. Now, now, now, now and I kind of and like within two two weeks, I had basically, you know, closed up, uh tied all the loose ends, transitioned people. I I didn't want anyone to uh to be put it uh to you know to be worse off for it. So if anything, I like I direct them all to my assistant that helps me with the editing as well. I said, look, you can go direct, so hopefully she's making more money. And um I was out. I just and it was just this moment of clarity. Um so that was my and it happened around the same time that I'd written my book. So it was like I was being set on a different path, and I just went, I've just got to take the leap and trust my intuition and just shut it down and and things will work out. You know, it'll work out. I I can't wait for something else to be set up before I do it. I have to do it now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

So, Olivia, for our people listening at home and that woman that, you know, it may be vacuuming with a child on her hip or a grandma, uh babysitting her children, uh, her grandchildren, pardon me, um, today. Talk us a little bit through that moment of now and the urgency. And the other thing I like that you talked about was doing it without a safety net. How did it actually feel? Like you've explained the dynamics around how it's the feeling. Was it a liberating feeling? Was it oh fuck, bit of everything, bit of both. Explain to our listeners at home the feeling and the dynamic around that.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Uh, I think I just knew. I just I just knew because I knew it wasn't sustainable, and so I think I felt relief on finally having clarity because I had been tinkering around the edges for a long time. Like I'd had that years for that business for years, and I'd been tinkering, going, why can't I shift it into a model that's working for me? And so I think I just felt relief at finally having clarity. And so when I had as part of the tying the loose ends, like I had just about um agreed to start a new podcast with someone who was just about to announce it at a big event, and so I had that was one of the loose ends I had to deal with. Is like, oh, by the way, you should probably know that um I'm sorry, I'm not going to. And and she was so kind because she checked with me before she made other arrangements a couple of times. Are you sure? Are you sure um you haven't uh made this decision that you're regretting it now, or you know, you haven't had any second thoughts because it was so like it seemed abrupt. Um and I was like, no, like I never I never doubted it once I had that moment, I was I think I was just thankful and relieved. Um so everyone, but as far as like financial you know, I guess I'm married and my husband's working, so I don't want to speak for everybody's situation, like everyone's got different things to juggle, different states of where their mortgage is, and but I do think there's something to be said for trusting your intuition. Um I think we are that's the moment the our feelings, our body, and especially our heart is what I believe we're guided by. So I I'm not saying to people necessarily to do what I did externally, the actions I took. Um I do recommend doing what I did internally, which is checking to what your own heart says. And if your heart is saying, Oh my god, I've got to do this, I've got to do that, now that's the thing you trust your own heart.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

I love that. You talk about intuition, and I know I didn't listen to my intuition enough over the years, and I'm like, This is what's expected from me externally, this is what I'm conditioned. Not that you consciously think, oh, this is what I'm gonna this is what I need to do. I need to stay in my marriage, I committed to it. And we just don't listen to that voice enough and our intuition, our hidden talents, our we listen, I think, I believe, and uh tell me how you think how you feel about this, Olivia. We listen a lot to what we should be doing, or what we're told we should be doing, and you know, this is what you need to be doing. Not so much to what our innate voice is actually telling us, that little voice saying, This is what hello, whispering at us. We just don't listen. And the other thing I love that you talk about interest and your our weirdness. And I love how you talk about our weirdness. We don't shine our weirdness enough. And I've been told so many times in my life, you're a weirdo. And I go, Oh god, I want to be normal. I did anything to dull my weirdness down. And but now in my mid-50s, I'm like, yeah, fuck it. Here's my weirdness, here I am. Once I found it and let her out Jeannie out of the bat the bottle, oh, here's my weirdness, everybody. And I'm still getting to know her. Tell us a little bit about your weirdness and the journey after, you know, after that.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Well, the first thing that comes to mind with weirdness, and I can't remember what I said to you anymore, but one thing that's been on my mind lately, so I probably would have expressed it as front of mind, is I wrote a song about this. So it's all recorded. I just need to uh release it. I want to do a little video for it. But it's called Let Your Freak Flag Fly. Oh, love it.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Wait, wait, wait, don't move on yet. Everyone at home, did you hear that? Let your freak flag fly. Love it.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Get it out there, get that flag out there.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

And so this is uh I saw a video from a creator, I don't know how to say her surname. I think it's um it's an Asian name, T S U I Tsui. I don't know how you say it, Anna. Anyway, I I really enjoy her videos, and one video, and I cannot even find it anymore. I went looking for it and I couldn't find it, but it's there, it's there somewhere. But she was doing a video where she was talking about all of you um people who feel like you're misfits perhaps or neurodivergent, whatever it may be, and you've always like been trying to fit in the world, look at the world as it is now. This is your time. You know, I can't remember exactly what she said. She might have been talking about ascension or the world being on fire or whatever it is, but she was like, This is the time. We need people to think differently. Like the status quo is not looking so good, not looking so flash anymore. So this is your time to shine, this is our time to let your freak. And she finished it with those words, let your freak flag fly. And then more recently, um Sarah King, who um is a healer, healer and a mentor, and she's in um Queensland, and I was on her podcast, and then we've been chatting since. And she did a video where she talked about how she's had to be brave to actually call herself a healer and say that publicly. And I commented on the video about you know, basically sharing that message that I'd heard from Anna and how those words have stuck with me. And she said, There's a song in that. And I went, okay, challenge accepted. And so, and so um, yeah, it's basically let your freak flag fly, and it's all about um you're weird, and and that is great. Because have you seen the world of late? Forget the status quo, it's time for that to go, and um you know um, yeah, just there's who cares if your Uncle Jimmy thinks that you're insane, the only thoughts you need to manage are inside your brain. So get out there and live your life.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

There's nothing about as much as we're told to be normal or we're weird, there's nothing about the world that is normal, whatever that is.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Exactly. Look at the world. Is that is that what's normal? Uh I don't think I want that.

SPEAKER_02 13:58

So my mentor often says the only place I can find normal is a cycle on the washing machine.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

So, yeah, I think I've got a line that says, weird is just tomorrow's standard, way improved and more expanded. So if you're weird, if you're a weird, you're ahead of your time. If you're weird, I mean, look at us. We've been living this life like zombies, and now we find out uh uh without wanting to get too deep into politics or anything, but you know, there's files out there that looking pretty bad, and there's you know, wars happening and all sorts of things, and lots of corruption, and um yeah, we we don't have to just believe that the powers that be and the organizations and the institutions that we've trusted are the way, and what we've told been told is normal, yeah, isn't really working. So, yeah, why would you be worried about being weird right now? Why would you be worried about being weird? And we need people to think differently, think out of the box, and we're supposed to.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

But that lady that's just come home from a long day, maybe in her corporate job, Olivia, has just maybe cracked open her bottle of wine and sat down. Can you just say that statement again about standard?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Oh, weird is just tomorrow's standard, way improved and more expanded.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

That's amazing. That is amazing. Amazing. So um tell us a little bit about your journey after uh you I just have so much um admiration for you, closing that business uh without a safety net, moving on. You're now doing some wonderful things as well with your songwriting uh for children. I love that idea. Uh, you're no longer asking permission to shine your spirituality, because I think that's another one. I've been in the cupboard a bit with that as well, coming out a bit more, thinking of just dabbling and touching. Because I think a lot of us have been in the cupboard a bit with our spiritual cupboard, a bit with our spirituality over the years. So, with your journey where you are now, you're doing all sorts of wonderful things. Tell us a bit about that, Olivia.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Well, firstly, I guess with the the book, and when I'm going on podcasts like yours, I guess my the thing that makes me even have that on my radar is the book. So maybe that's meant to be. I've got a book called The Ultimate Book of Word spells. I'll hold it up for any YouTube versions. 21 Days to Miracles, Abundance, and Higher Guidance. It's um you can do it as a 21-day thing because it's 21 mantras, or you can spread it out there or you follow your own intuition. But I put a bit of a structure in there in case people like to follow a structure. But um, that particular book is just purely me trusting my intuition. I actually have no particular agenda. I am purely trusting my intuition. Um, I this was a book I wrote without knowing that I was writing a book, which is a great way to do it because it's stress-free. Um, it's it's it's my toolkit that I've used for myself, and then over time I realize that maybe it would help other people. So it's when I'm in the trenches of feeling um whatever way, and or having to face a certain thing, or finding that I'm uh spiralling in a way that's maybe not ideal. I've written alter alternate thoughts, and I'd tend to do them in poems and rhymes, maybe be that's just my thing, I guess, a songwriter. And but I find that it works for my brain because it just the rhythm, it just works. Uh, and so I'd do these and I wouldn't mean to necessarily. I'd go I just went to journal. Why does it come out as a poem? That's weird. And then actually the next thing I did from that was Katie Carey, shout out to her. I was in her soulful um poems uh book four, and she wrote a uh post that just spoke to me and said, if you're someone who write who journals and ends up writing poetry and feels like it's like channeled or you know, that it is in yeah, I don't know. I just went, oh, so there's other people that do that, and they put it in a book. And so I went in that book and it just planted the seed that I it this could be a book. And the other thing I'd been doing with these already is putting them on Insight Timer, and over time I'm putting them on YouTube as well. But um I have some of them as mantras because I recorded them for myself so that when I'm going around uh doing the dishes or whatever, that I could be giving myself the pep talk that I needed. Um and so and then I had the idea because of that experience with Katie that this could be a book and it could actually help people, and it's got QR codes if they want to listen to a spoken word version. So at the moment, my journey is just trusting the journey with no agenda. I'm not actually trying to hit some sales target or anything. Um, but it's just like, see what I've wrote this, it's meant to be, and I'm just trusting, and I'm just gonna tell people it exists. That's it. So, and aside from that, the other thing I'm doing is kids' music, and all of the things I do have that thread. So I do music for adults, like a freak flag song, and the kids' music, and I have a particular interest in um confidence building songs, growth mindset songs, inclusion songs, and I've also got a song about um I can use my voice, which is for kids to who might be being groomed or abused or something like that. And it's based based it's it's based on the principles that I learned from Caroline Ellen, who's a social worker who teaches body safety, and so it talks about the feelings that you might feel, wobbly knees, butterflies in your tummy, and all of that. And it also says, I can say when I'm ready, and I can tell again and again. Because heartbreakingly, a lot of even good grown-ups miss it. So sad. Kids have to tell m multiple times to be believed and understood because we're like busy parents, you know how stressful it is to be a parent and have 10 tasks that you're trying to get done in the next half hour, and a kid's trying to tell you something, and you might just miss it, like it might not be so. Even in the song says, 'I can tell until somebody believes.' Um and so, yeah, so everything that I put out is um from my heart, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:45

And soul, I can feel it. I love um what you've said there in that you recorded some of these recordings for yourself, like when you were doing the dishes, and so many women will resonate with that that are listening, and we'll see this episode about you know, some people like uh heavy rock when they're doing the housework or blasting that kind of music. Sometimes I do that, some days I need a podcast for someone to listen to, and your voice is calming, and that's what people will need, and they will really resonate with that. And the other um matter I want to touch on is the importance of what you're doing, and I believe that one o'clock what's the word I'm looking for? I believe that one o'clock happening to you that morning with your visit, with your visit from Spirit, and I'm saying it out loud that that was your visit that you we were quite I I believe the work you were doing in your podcast business was very important. But I think the work you've gone on and done is just amazing. That's where this is where you were I don't like the word meant, but this is where you are. This was your calling, you know. This was uh thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

And it's so interesting to see where I've ended up now because um so I I I just felt like I've got to do something with the music. I still I want to create resources and do something with that. And then what's ended up happening is I've had a friend I know, one of the mums from school, shared about her job that she does. This is something I never would have foreseen, and it's just so interesting that given what I'm doing, where I've ended up. Uh and and it's uh working for URLA and it's as a uh it's KISS KIS kindergarten kindergarten inclusion support. So an assistant teacher to the kindergarten. Um, and it's for kids with uh so you work where they uh you're placed where there's kids with additional needs. So I've just been placed right with the kids that I'm writing songs for, and it's such a different um yeah, it's very real. Like it's one thing to write a song from the comfort of my home, and then to see like I went to a training, uh like a personal development thing with the kindergarten yesterday, and they're saying like you you're gonna see the real things of what you've been singing about, and you'll have to make those hard calls about you know reporting things and like the the the thing the that kind of side of things, but like I've just been dropped in that and um and I'm as I'm there, I've only been like two days actually of the kindergarten itself, other days have been training, and I'm like uh oh, we need a song for this, and we need something for that, and we need like it's it's a whole different perspective to be there. So that's sort of really interesting that I couldn't have planned that and I wouldn't have known to plan that. That's why we have to have some faith in. And let's the other thing, like in my book, for example, I talk about uh there's abundance things in there, but I'm not here to be, I think we're probably past that era. I'm not the I'm not necessarily the the um the abund uh talking about it in terms of a million dollars dropping in your lap or you know, having a Lamborghini or whatever. It's like trusting you will be safe, you will have enough, and abundance is like money is just a construct, but just trust that things will work out and you'll have what you need when you need it. Um and things will unfold and trust the unfolding.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Yeah, money's just colored paper, really, printed paper.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

It's not even that anymore, is it? It's it's it's dotted digital.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Wow, Olivia, what a journey, what a journey. So, as we finish up today for everyone listening to this, what's one uh one message you'd like to get out to listeners today? What's Olivia D'Souza message? What's one closing message that you'd like to share?

SPEAKER_00 24:42

I think trust your heart is my and authenticity, which I think is part of the same thing. Um love, love and truth are the two guiding um principles of my uh life, and I think if you follow that and just have some faith and follow your own heart, I think you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

And I love that you touched on earlier that this is the time for the weirdos and the neurodivergent and the people out there that have been hiding, hiding almost it's time for us to be out there and fuck it.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Fuck it, yeah. Fuck it, fuck it.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

The videos, yeah, because yeah, like even with the age thing, like you talking about being I like I've only recently started saying out loud that I'm 53. 53, 53, I'm 53. Do you know that I think I've had a thing about age? Logically, I have always known that it means nothing, but somehow I've always had a fear that once I say it out loud I'll miss out, or I'll be put in a box, or I'll be like, especially because I'm a singer and so that the performer side, like I've taken it in when someone's looked at some old person that was uh uh cool when they were in their 20s that's still on stage in their 50s, 60s, and they they'll make some comment, oh my god, you know, and like and now I'm at the stage where well, now that I actually am in my 50s, I am kind of officially old midlife or like well, 60 will be whatever, whatever the whatever we decide to label things. Like, am I gonna live like this worried about the age my age forever? Fuck it, like it's it doesn't mean anything. I'm eternal spirit, like fuck this shit. Well, we've got stupid constructs in this planet.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

I know, and I love that you talk about the soul doesn't age. I think that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Like, mmm. Fuck it. I mean my my mid years, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Fuck it. I'm eternal. I'm eternal fucking bee. I'm full shit.

SPEAKER_02 26:49

Eternal bee. Okay, everybody. This has been another episode. Oh, this was great. I feel like I want it, we need to get you back on at some stage, um, Olivia, and follow your journey and uh these beautiful songs and uh love and heart and we're taking it out into the world. So we will definitely chat to you again at some point. So thank you, everybody. Thank you for tuning in. This has been another episode of Midlife Unplugged the Fuck It Ears. I'm your host, Lara Portelli, and I look forward to chatting to someone else again soon. Who knows, from where around the world. Thanks, everybody. Chat to you soon. Thank you. Bye for now. Thanks to being on. That's a wrap on this episode of Midlife Unplugged the Fucket Years. If today's conversation is something up in you, subscribe, share it with your midlife crew, and keep the conversation going. I'm Lara Portelli. See you next week for another Four Real and Unapologetic Chat.